Hannibal and Mandyhattan

I’m doing “Don’t Touch Me There” July 19.

And “The Shark Show” August 4.

“Come check it out.”*

“I’ll be eating French fries.”*

“Kicking it.”*

“Funny anecdotes will be heard.”*

“Mo Pitkins has an awesome bathroom.”*

“The upstairs is a little bit better than the downstairs.”

“So if at any time during the performance you need to use the bathroom you’ll be well taken care of but don’t do it during my set because it’s going to be great. Humorous anecdotes, like I said.”*

*All notes courtesy of Hannibal Buress.

Drop the bitch and make the switch!

‘HEY baby, if beauty was a crime, you’d be locked up for life!”

“Come on, hot stuff, how short does that skirt go?”

“Damn, why you got to keep walking like that?”

Why yes – it is the height of catcall season, again.

Now reaching full swing as summer heats up, the women of New York are facing the come-ons of construction workers, businessmen and the occasional 4-foot-tall man freestyling his love supreme.

Abandon me Elmo

Mandy, I’m a huge fan of your Cat in a T-shirt story. It has spawned a whole new realm of internet rejection for me.

However, I think it only works in the short-term really.

I’m really not even sure how to ask this, but I was wondering if you could help me break up with my boyfriend? I was thinking maybe a letter, or maybe a dirty limerick? Just whatever you could come up with would help out so much!

Thanks so much in advance,
Tom

***

Tom,
Thank you so much!

Here you go.

Dear boyfriend,

I am breaking up with you because that bitch Mandy Stadtmiller told me to. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to. But she insisted. Blame her. And good luck with everything. Thanks for the cuddling. I liked it when you did that one thing with the thing.

Love,
Tom

Duck in a sweatpants

My friend from the Cat in a T-shirt story just got engaged!!!

Three! Exclamation! Marks!

Dreams really do come true, and cats really do wear T-shirts.

Congratulations, Katherine!

When the sun shines, we’ll shine together