Yes

I don’t have time to post as regularly for a while. But exciting developments are occurring which you will find out about soon enough.

So come by Helen Hong’s show at Mo Pitkin’s this Saturday at 7 p.m. for what may be the best comedy show ever held.

In the meantime, why not read the following over a few thousand times. It’s lovely. So are you.

From Stephen Colbert’s commencement address at Knox College:

“…And if you’re lucky, find people who will say ‘yes’ back. Now will saying ‘yes’ get you in trouble at times? Will saying ‘yes’ lead you to do some foolish things? Yes it will. But don’t be afraid to be a fool. Remember you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics…Cynics don’t learn anything…cynicism is…a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say ‘no.’ But saying ‘yes’ begins things. Saying ‘yes’ is how things grow. Saying ‘yes’ leads to knowledge. ‘Yes’ is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say ‘yes.’ And that’s the word.”

Under “New York’s Drunkest Journalists“:

Being a fall down, hopeless drunk must be a prerequisite to get a job at the Post as anyone who hangs out downtown and has had to suffer through a drunken conversation with starfucker Mandy Stadtmiller or tin-eared Mary Huhn knows all too well.

Where ever Moby is you will find these two lushes following close behind basking in his glow of mediocrity.

OK, first of all, the starfucker thing is a bit from my set. Lazy. Second of all, I wish I could fall down and be hopeless. I’d be way more interesting.

Third of all, Glow of Mediocrity is the name of my new vaginal cleanser. Not cool.

Fourth of all, based on the shitty over-thought-out writing and who was there the single night Mary and I happened to meet Moby after a show I was doing at Mo Pitkin’s, it’s pretty easy to figure out who wrote this spineless, anonymous comment.

And all I can say is, God bless you, lad.

As Julie and Jackie noted after Bro’in Out tonight, this is the kind of douche you kind of have to stand back and marvel at—the way you would any huggable retard.

I say! Your ears, they’re made of tin, see, and the Internet, I hear it’s a good place to disparage others, see, and this is how we do it, fella, with news on the march.

I would also like to point out the fact that my father has a metal plate in his head because he was shot twice in the face in Vietnam. He wishes he had tin ears. But instead he’s got a metal plate in his head. So thanks for reminding me. Of how much I’d love to fuck anyone who’s ever starred in or had a chief gaffer role in a Vietnam reenactment flick.

Thanks a lot. Platoon counts. Thanks.

The day I got divorced and started seducing buildings
Chicago, 2005

come TONIGHT! FRIDAY! to this Montreal showcase at 10 p.m. at Stand Up New York.

Details are here. This is the biggest comedy festival in the world and I’ll be doing a 6-minute audition. Would love to see you there in your best Sanjaya sweater.

My other radio boyfriend Joey Reynolds