One man caught on a barbed wire fence, one poodle he resist

about how a Nerve guy emailed me with what I found to be a very crude, very offensive imitation of the Asian people.

“how was your weekend? Do anything fun? Just waying hello…hope to hear from you.”

And she wrote, “This is excellent. This is like the time I went out with a German guy and afterwards he sent me an email saying ‘Hi Mackenzie, I had fan last night.’”

Which killed me. Mainly because all I could think of was that one “Cosby Show” episode where Cliff has the dream where all the men are pregnant and go into labor. Theo gives birth to a car and Cliff gives birth to a gigantic sub sandwich.

I’d also like to note this is the first time YouTube has completely failed me. Because the search “Cliff Huxtable,” “gives birth to” and “a gigantic sub sandwich” returns absolutely nothing.

I’m just waying.

Absolutely sensational.

Especially when she makes Letterman practically choke with laughter about what he said to her one time right before commercial break.

Let us count the ways

I’m finally going to work up the courage to propose.

And I’ll be joining a bunch of other folks for a special Rejection/Mortified Show at the UCB.

I really hope you can make it. And I really hope the blood diamond fits.

Quiet dignity

How? Commission a high-definition “video portrait” – kind of a mini cinematic homage on a plasma flat screen – from New York multi-media pioneer Robert Wilson, whose haunting works of these gorgeous A-listers have been garnering huge amounts of buzz lately.

Imagine a continuous loop of your favorite celebrity in stunning detail, moving in slow motion and essentially performing in a play as short as 30 seconds and as long as 20 minutes. The works redefine what the very idea of “portrait” even means. Just take a look at the images online at stage.voom.tv/robert_wilson.

“You get a very different quality of image,” says Wilson whose unique artistic creations are available to anyone who can afford the hundred-grand-plus price tag – either to purchase or to have one made.

“I mean, you can see the pores in the skin. You can see every hair in the heads. So it’s like a real live portrait.”

The stunning Elina Gorelik

(*excerpted from a Top 8 Q&A)

Q: Is 5 nice?
A: yes she is rile nice

Q: What’s a good memory with 5?
A: talk ing to her on myspace cus evre time i her frum her i no its a good day cus i got a mesig or a comint frum a good frindps ev re day is a good day just a bout

Q: Is 5 happy?
A: yes i thank so its crismis time its the time for hapenis and joy and king is cum ing back

Q: Have you traveled anywhere with 5?
A: no i havint seen her in persin be for

Q: How did you choose your Top 8?
A: thay ar all good frinds

Just groovin’ on the groovity-flop