My boyfriend likes to party

I’m doing Becky Ciletti and Sue Ball’s new show Chicken Dinner on Wed., Nov. 15, 6:30 p.m., at Parkside Lounge, 317 East Houston Street.

It’s with Jordan Carlos (E!, Stephen Colbert’s black friend) and Rob Apuzzo (being a funny dude, MySpace). This violates my “no shows until I write my fucking book proposal” rule but it’s because I agreed to it a while back.

Have you read Becky’s new blog? It’s dope.

Etc.

Before taping a little rebuttal for Howard Stern’s iN Demand program on Friday, I watched Andy Dick’s recent appearance on the Sirius show.

I’d say the highlight is when Dick whips out the handwritten note to me he’s still carrying around in that spiral-bound notebook of his. However, on Sirius he reads a part of the letter that the Washington Post so politely euphemizes with the much daintier “Etc.”

That would be the part where Andy Dick calls me a “dried up cunt.”

Here’s the question I have. Will I ever be able to hear “Etc.” the same way again?

“So good to catch up! Etc.”

“Give all my love to your family, your mom, your dad. Etc.”

“Have you considered K-Y Jelly? Etc.”

As I was telling Steve, I really wanted my rebuttal to be simply: “I am not a dried-up cunt. Thank you.”

Steve had a much better idea.

“No,” he offered. “You should have just said, ‘I am not dried up.’”

What upsets me the most is the fact that now everyone’s going to assume I stole my Halloween costume idea from Andy.

Maybe I’ll go as a classic twig-filled vagina instead.

So great

this amazing Ricky Gervais and David Bowie video?

I know! It’s so great:

What about this insane Stanley Kubrick audition tape?

I know! It’s so great:

What about this spirited rendition of “Happy birthday” on my birthday?

I know! It’s so great:

Celebration time come on

I’m taping a little response for Howard Stern’s iN Demand TV show tomorrow that they’re using when they air Andy Dick’s in-studio appearance. At Christian Finnegan’s CD release party last night (you can buy “Two For Flinching” now!) I was telling Lindsay and voice of Daria Tracy Grandstaff (who is actually working on a new show with Andy) about watching his appearance this month on Letterman and how fascinating I found it. He talks about the number of times he’s been in rehab, is pretty hilarious making fun of Robin Williams’ recent red-carpet stint there and says how when he drinks no one’s having a good time—except for him. Now see, that’s what makes us so different. When I drink everyone has a good time! And even better, “Employee of the Month” never gets made.

Sippy cup swear

These drop-dead giveaways are: grunting, odd words (“I did not gesticulate with that woman, Miss Lewinsky”), time-outs (pauses), changes in tone, hissy fits (when someone brings up a “chill pill” you know you’ve gone wrong – not only as a liar, but also in life), and asking to repeat the question.

Wait, what was I writing about again?