Too soon?
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
We are the world, we are the audience
Hannibal: I got booked for a tv show taping in holland.
Me: Great!!! ur the only black guy I’ve ever made out with
Me: Good callback
Hannibal: Have fun on the radio. Youre the only white girl i made out with….In april
Hannibal: I just fought an astronaut
Me: Was she white?
Hannibal: Afghani then i made out with her
Hannibal: Try to come to hot tub if you can on friday then i can be the second black guy
Hannibal: To perform there
Me: no really? Ha. I may be going 2 ucb but otherwise will try
Hannibal: Hogwash
Me: Alright ucb thing is sat can come fri. Ill bring a bunch of black people. Cool?
Hannibal: The only black people you know are me,nichelle, and that one journalist dude.
Me: Fuckoff kravitz of comedy. I KNOW LOTS OF BLACK PEOPLE. I know that guy from sputnik HAHAHA HAHA
Hannibal: And baron vaughn
Me: right. And baron. Good point. Thx!
***A very urgent message to all of my black friends (you know who you are, guys!!)
Please join me at Hot Tub this Friday night in proving that motherfucker Hannibal wrong. If you are kind of black, that’s okay. Just try and be as black as possible when you arrive. Thanks. I really appreciate it.
- Michael Showalter (Stella, Wet Hot American Summer, The State) will wash your blues away with a good scrubbing. michaelshowalter.net
- Reggie Watts (Maktub, Soulive) will take you on a trip through outer space. reggiewatts.com
- John Oliver (The Daily Show with Jon Stewart) will dress you up like a pony and take you to the prom.
- Hannibal (From Chicago!) will help you make up your mind about what religion to choose. Hannibal on MySpace
Friday, 10 p.m.
The Peoples Improv Theater
154 W. 29th Street, 2nd Fl
(between 6th and 7th aves)
New York, NY 10001
212-563-7488
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
"The guys that women meet on dating sites, at least 50 percent of the time they are lying,"
says 62-year-old New York private investigator Skipp Porteous, whose favorite fibs include “I’m a Navy Seal,” “I have a black belt in karate” and “I don’t actually have two wives.”
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Breathalyzers are blind
Paris Hilton charged…
(full story after the jump)
with being Paris Hilton.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
I saw a psychic last week
She said I need to open my heart to love. Now I go around muttering this to anyone who will listen.
1) “How funny running into you here.”
“Yeah.” Long exhale. “I’m trying to open my heart to love.”
2) “I’m actually kind of busy right now.”
“Yeah.” Long exhale. “I’m trying to open my heart to love.”
3) “Please stop calling me.”
“Yeah.” Long exhale. “I’m trying to open my heart to love.”
Text message later that night: …trying 2 open myhrt 2 luv…wot u doin?
To further myself in this goal (and because I don’t want to pay the psychic $500 for the specially fashioned candles she says are necessary…although I’m sure they’re delicious) I’ve decided to start earnestly going on at least one date per month.
To that end, I joined Nerve tonight, because clearly that is the place you go to open your heart to love.
Unfortunately, the user handle trying2openmyheart2love was taken. As was cuddlemonster24, fucksalotofdoctors, asstastic4u, kittenkrazy_nyc and clooneyfan2003. So I registered as the next best thing.
Ucanttouchthis.
I describe my ideal afternoon as winking at strangers on Nerve, cutting myself to make sure I’m alive, and baseball with friends.
So, good luck with that.
