Xanadu

I’m starting to have serious regrets about signing up for Homelesster.

The new friend requests are one thing, but it’s the new tube sock requests that are absolutely relentless.

Staring contest

I finally figured out what Victoria’s secret is, and I can see why they’ve kept it quiet all these years. Having a very low-grade depression does not move panties the way you might expect.

Touché and ass

Sister: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m busy. I can’t talk.”

Sister: “Oh. Well, I thought you should know, Gary has started calling your blog Booby McBoobalot.”

Silence.

Sister: “Because of all the boobs.”

Me: “Right.”

New year

I was going to wash my hair with L’Oréal, but then I realized I wasn’t worth it.

Nor’easter

I still can’t get over the issue of Rolling Stone with Kanye West on the cover. As if the bloody crucifixion imagery wasn’t bad enough, lean in a little closer. You can see a tiny picture of Mike Myers standing underneath, looking incredibly uncomfortable.