Bravo
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Initial reactions to ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’
Despite the title, this is in fact not the show about Bobby Brown.
That show is apparently “on another channel.”
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Top resolutions among men ages 35-45 after seeing ‘War of the Worlds’
1) Get a storm shelter.
2) Get a gun.
3) Get a vasectomy.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Martha Stewart catchphrase finally revealed
“If I were preparing roasted halibut and zucchini with a rich butter sauce for a small but elegant wedding party in the Hamptons right now, you would be the tablespoon of dry white wine. Interesting, but ultimately replaceable. I’m sorry. I don’t know how to say it any clearer than that.”
Monday, June 27, 2005
Telltale signs of a successful summer
1. An opening montage
2. Knowledge of what someone did
3. Crazy bikini wax anecdotes, and plenty of them
4. Mani-pedi-liposucti
5. Seasonal employment
6. LDL 90/HDL 55
7. Weak o’seas B.O.
8).High hopes for animated laffer
9. Oceans, ponds, whales, and more
10. Brief graphic nudity
11. Use of –tastic in literary pocket
12. Disco queen with string of hits from the 1970’s
13. Beach house, water balloon fights, party dudes, bikini-clad babes
14. Sizzling specials
15. Carefree attitudes
16. Anthropomorphic make-out session between “War of the Worlds” QuickTime trailer and “Batman Begins” Fandango receipt
17. Enrichment, preferably in programmatic format
18. Household hazards hunt
19. Daddy rich, mamma good-lookin’
20. Back of neck, dirty and gritty
21. Ass bodacious, tryin’ to show patience
22. FUNdamentals
23. Record-breaking funperatures
24. Unconsciousness and possible funvulsions
25. Elaborate car chase, light joke to release tension
Sunday, June 26, 2005
If Bruce Wayne was attacked by bunny rabbits as a child, how different things would be
The man:
“You’ve traveled the world. Now you must travel inwards to what is cute, and what is cute is inside you. There’s no turning back.”
The myth:
“I seek the means to fight that which is not adorable.”
The legend:
“If I’m flesh and blood, I can be ignored, I can be destroyed. But as a bunny, as a fluffy, snuggly, little bunny with white floppy ears, two button eyes, and a wet pink nose, I can be incorruptible. I can be everlasting.”
