Philosophies
Win friends, influence people
1) Approach stranger on subway platform.
2) Stare. Then ask.
3) “So do you think we’re having a missed connection here?”
Fiction fun storytime corner
Patient: I want to fuck you.
Therapist: This is your time.
“I DECLARE, I don’t know what makes me so nervous this afternoon! I have the strangest feeling—just as though something were about to happen.”
An 800-number home companion
The most satisfying part of working the night cop shift in the tiny, carpet-stained room at the Des Moines police station was receiving collect phone calls from prisoners. The best one resulted in the front page headline: “Murder suspect says ‘Steve’ did it.” You must remember, only 300 people live in Iowa. It’s a pretty first name kind of place.
This weekend, I heard a story from Adam who you might know from Chicago. He also used to receive phone calls from prisoners. For him it occurred while he worked as a deejay at a college radio station. Conversations usually went something like this.
Operator: Will you accept a collect phone call from…
Prisoner: STEELY DAN!
New results for "white smoke, ringing bells"
I’ve always had little patience for the lazily cut and paste email. Very often it comes from friends who are so clearly swept up in their own clever turns of phrase that they fail to delete the original recipient’s name hidden deep within the expanses of the note.
“Here’s a little update on what’s going on with me. Greece is amazing. The mountains and seas fill my dreams with rocky peaks and white-capped waves. From the medieval fortress of Ali Pasha to the sands of Skiathos, these lands inspire a spiritual awe that is a far more precious gift than any souvenir I could buy for you, Matt. The ebb and flow of the sea remind me that life is just like that ebb and flow. So many stories, so many memories. That is what is happening with me.”
But now that I’ve moved to Greece, I’m a big fan of the device.
That is, in conversation and in correspondence, I have found just the right combination of words and expressions to convey that while my husband and I have decided to separate, all is good, all is great, dad still gives us the chocolate cake.
Favorite reactions so far include…
Architect: So what else is new?Doctor: How does that make you feel?
Cab driver: In America, people treat relationships like pieces of clothing.
Actor: There’s still time to register for my upcoming performance workshop!
Chef: But you’re so normal.
Customer relations professional: I feel as though I should give you a hug.
CEO: Any more pics?
Comedian: Dude, stay off the craigslist.
